Friend, may our friends help us to breathe life and fire and passion and joy into our soul. May we choose friends who are life-giving. Here are some reminders for you and for me as we make this year the wisest year yet.
I read through Proverbs, and here is what King Solomon has to say about friendship. It’s advice fit for a king, given through a king, and from a King.
This is the second post in a series on living in wisdom.
1. Choose Wisely
When it comes to friends, more is definitely not always better. Solomon advises to be careful whom you hang out with (12:26) and not to seek popularity (18:24). It’s said that you become whom you hang out with. In high school, I’d find validation by how large by friend group was. But with a few more years and much more confidence, it’s quality over quantity all the way. I want to be surrounded truth-speakers and empathy-givers. Friends who love me where I am. Friends who are confident in themselves and don’t compete.
I confess that I am a wise friend. I am confident in who I am because I know that God made no mistake when He created me. I see other’s successes as my own. I will see my friend group as fellow journeyers and I will actively choose to love whom I have been entrusted to journey with. I have permission to surround myself with wise friends and I have permission to distance myself from unwise friends.
2. Choose to overlook and forgive quickly
One night my best friend in college told me that she liked this guy, and in this same night, I fell for him too, hook line and sinker. I acted on this emotion and that mistake should have cost me my friendship. It was so stupid.
Any weaker woman would have written me off. I should have been written off. I didn’t deserve her forgiveness and she should have kept me at an arm’s length from there forward. But that’s not who Lisa is and that’s not who God created Lisa to be. After confessing through blubbering tears and feeling so stupid, Lisa did something amazing. Lisa chose to see the best in me, believed that my actions didn’t match my character, and never mentioned the guy again. And it never came up between us ever again. She could have told our group of friends; I would have. But she didn’t. She protected me even when I didn’t protect her. She regarded my reputation even when I disregarded her heart.
A few years later I drank too much wine and sneezed spaghetti all over her boyfriend at the time. And that night I told her that he was weird and she should dump him. God love her.
I confess that I fight to preserve the relationship. I am someone who overlooks wrongs and forgives quickly. I am loyal to my friends and choose to see their character over their actions. I give my friends the benefit of the doubt. I look for God in them and honor who they are. I don’t bring up past wrongs and I keep wrong-doings between us.
3. Choose someone people like to be around
Chances are that as soon as you read the heading to this one, someone immediately came to mind. And I can tell you about this person even though I don’t know his or her name.
The person you love to be around brings healing not only through their words, but also through their tone of voice (13:17). If you are mad at another friend, this friend calms the fight and doesn’t stoke the fire (15:18 and 16:28). When your venting is on the verge of going too far, they reign in the crazy (13:3). This friend celebrates your accomplishments and enters into your mess when life is miserable (25:20). This friend makes you feel good about being you (17:17). This friend isn’t trash-talking others who aren’t around (11:13). This friend brings out the best and is good to others- not passively good, but is actively good (13:17). This friend brings joy and makes insecurities vanish (16:24).
And as you drive home from your lunch date, play date, or happy hour, you feel successful, loved, and important.
I confess that God has created me to be someone who people like to be around. I confess that I use my words to bring healing and put out fires. I confess that when God created me in His image, He made no mistake, and my words communicate that message to others. I see other people as my family and protect them with my words and actions.
4. Choose someone who speaks kindly
It seems like Solomon has more to say about gossip than he does anything else. May we choose our words wisely (11:13). It goes hand in hand that you want to hang out with people who choose kind words as well. If you hang out with someone who gossips, you will gossip. And chances are pretty good that our gossipy friends will gossip about us, too (20:19).
I confess that I am a wise friend. I confess that I use my words to build up. I use my words to help my friends preserve their relationships. I know how powerful my words are and I honor my friends with the words I speak.
